Have you heard the saying healing is not linear? Healing does not always look like we envisioned. It has ups and downs and is an ongoing process; Healing requires us to feel and make sense of our emotions and thoughts and consciously decide to create healthier, sustainable relationships with ourselves and others. 

Let’s talk about what people may not tell you about healing.

The Ups and downs of healing.

 Dips in your healing are typical and allow you to assess your relationships with yourself and others. How your body reacts to people and environments gives you insight into your triggers, boundaries, and emotions and creates opportunities to express yourself so you can make changes. 

An example is when you return home for the holidays and find yourself reverting to old habits you thought you had worked on; you may be thinking I failed, I took five steps back, I am not making progress, and that is not true.

You are human, and you will not always get it right because sometimes, human emotions get the best of you, but with time, you will react less and find that you have healthier ways to respond or manage uncomfortable situations. 

Healing happens in stages. 

 You cannot heal from everything you have been through in a few months. Healing is gradual; it takes time to figure out what you have the capacity for, especially if you seek professional counseling and seek to work on trauma. You might pick a starting point, decide to pivot, and focus on a different area in your life, and that’s okay.

The patience portion of healing is complicated because you may feel stuck in the beginning and feel more sad days than good days. Still, as you learn more about yourself, you start to feel unstuck, and gradually you begin to notice the changes, no matter how small. 

If you choose to go the therapy route, after a couple months, you may decide that you have reached your capacity and need to take a break from your healing work. Taking a break can allow you to try things out and see what’s working or what you want to change. Breaks also will enable you to determine if you have outgrown a specific healing method and need something different. 

Be in the right conditions to heal. 

• “Basic needs” must be met, like food (including water), shelter, and clothing; otherwise, you are in survival mode, and healing is the least of your worries. 
• “Safety” is another big one. You deserve a safe environment to do your healing work. You can’t heal from trauma if it is still happening to you. 
• “Motivation” no one can force you to heal and make changes. You must be motivated and willing to do this for yourself, not because others want you to.
• “Support system” If you are still building a support system, it is not a deal breaker for Healing, but it is nice to have safe people who can hold space for you and root for your growth.

Healing doesn’t always feel good.

Healing can feel:

• Messy
• Confusing
• Exciting
• Overwhelming 
• Boring 
• Hopeful
• Painful
• Lonely 
• Frustrating
• Joyful 
• Liberating
• Scary 
• Inconsistent 
• Annoying 

It is okay to experience multiple emotions at once. Understanding your feelings and communicating with others can help you. 

• Identify your needs
• Set boundaries
• Ask for support
• Advocate for yourself
• Help you feel in tune with yourself

Grief

Grief is a topic that you may not think about when you think about healing. Still, it makes sense because in the process of Healing, you grow, and sometimes that growth looks like closing chapters on relationships because you have changed and are ready to let them go, or it’s what’s best for you. 

Grief can look like leaving careers and jobs that don’t align with you or moving to a new city. It can also be the physical loss of someone you love. You may also grieve, not putting yourself first sooner, or feel grief for past experiences and loss. It’s okay to grieve as it is part of the process. 

Healing looks different for everyone.

Some people may decide that healing for them means working with a mental health professional; others may take classes on topics they struggle with, like boundaries, relationships, etc., or read books. Healing can also look like group settings or starting with physical movement or meditation.

The main takeaway is that you can decide what healing looks like and when to start. So, take your time with healing, try different things to see what feels right for you, and don’t be afraid to start a conversation with others about healing. Talking to others can allow you to learn about other people’s healing methods and provide insight into things you may want to explore.