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HOLIDAYS CAN BE HARD

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Serve and return

“Serve and return” is the process of paying attention to the cues our child is sending and responding in a supportive, encouraging way. “Serve and return” is essential to building and strengthening communication and social skills.

Follow these healthy “serve and return” steps, recommended by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University.

GIVE YOUR ATTENTION

The first step is to pay attention to our child’s “serves.” Nobody can be fully focused 24/7. But finding blocks of time when we can give them our full attention — without phones, emails and social media — makes a big difference. 

CATCH THE SERVE

Babies and children send out dozens of subtle signals all the time. We may notice our child is looking or pointing at something specific, or what tone they make when they cry. Or even if they’re making a certain face. Those are “serves.” Your role is to catch them.


We’re not only benefiting our child when we catch a serve, we’re also getting to know their “vocabulary,” strengthening the bond between us.

RETURN THE SERVE

“Returning the serve” means reacting in a supportive, engaging way. If our child is pointing, we can look at where they’re pointing and comment on what they see. If they’re making a frustrated face, we can acknowledge that they might feel frustrated and that we’re there for a hug.



Children feel heard and understood when their serves are returned. 

USING OUR WORDS

When returning a serve, describe what we’re noticing or doing. If our child points to a ball, we can pick it up and say, “are you looking at this ball?” If they’re jumping up and down we can say, “hey, you’re jumping!”



Using words to describe things helps kids understand the world around them, forms language connections in their brain, and lets them know they’re heard.

VOLLEY… ON THEIR TIME

That one serve and return may (or may not) lead to more back and forth. Stay engaged … and be patient. Children are processing a lot all at once, and often need time to collect and form their thoughts. We can give them space while remaining attentive, and be ready for another serve and return.



While we’re waiting, our child has time to develop their own thoughts, and while they’re listening to our response, it’s helping them practice self-control.

KNOW WHEN TO END

It’s also important to be on the lookout for cues that our child is ready to move on. If they become fussy or fidgety, begin looking around or crawl away, they may be ready for something new. Which gives us the opportunity to watch for the next serve.



Letting our child be the one who ends something gives them space to explore the world while knowing we’re supporting them.

How play helps babies develop

Early play is an extension of “serve and return.” Simple games like peekaboo and patty cake are more than fun. They’re literally building our baby’s brain circuitry in a powerful way.

As our babies and very young children develop, playing together helps all of us – kids and families – grow and thrive in these key ways:

PLAY SUPPORTS RESPONSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

While we play with our kids, we connect and deepen our bond. Use “serve and return” skills during play to boost communication. For slightly older toddlers, we can ask open-ended questions.

PLAY STRENGTHENS CORE LIFE SKILLS

Play helps develop skills in planning, problem-solving, coordination, collaboration, rule-following, flexibility, and negotiation. We don’t need a lot of space, toys, or fancy equipment. Even imagination enables exploration and growth in social, emotional, motor, and cognitive skills.

PLAY REDUCES STRESS

Play can help kids practice coping skills, while reducing our stress as parents or caregivers. As children grow, play helps them process experiences and express themselves in developmentally appropriate ways. Play makes us feel better.
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